Talking to a stranger about personal details about your life can feel awkward, and if you are worried about what that will be like, know you are not alone. Deciding to go to therapy is a big decision. If you have never been to therapy, you might be wondering what that first therapy session will be like.
You might feel uncomfortable, imagine how freeing it might be to talk to someone who has no stake in your decisions, won’t shut you down and won’t try to convince you that what ever is bothering you is not a big deal. If you take the latter perspective going into therapy, you may find that it is supportive, giving you space to grow and truly decide what you need.
I have a lot of clients admit that they are unsure when they come to their first session, but by the end of the first session they see that it really wasn’t as scary or uncomfortable as they thought it was going to be.
To feel more comfortable, before your first session with your therapist I highly recommend you get all your questions answered. Email or call and be sure you have the answer to everything you need to know. You are the client and your therapist doesn’t want you coming into a session feeling confused. Also, follow any instructions you were given about filling out forms or providing insurance information. These forms may seem like a hassle to fill out but I highly recommend you read them. Usually therapists will let you know their responsibilities and your responsibilities which also will clear up any uncertainties or questions you might have. The unknown can be scary.
I do virtual sessions with my clients and while many of us have had some experience with online platforms, it can still be intimidating waiting in the virtual waiting room for your therapist. I highly recommend you check your sound and camera while you are waiting and also see if you can turn off your self-view. I have had some clients feel really distracted by seeing themselves on camera during session and even forget what they wanted to say next! Just be prepared that there might be technically difficulties. It happens.
Keep your phone close by and check it if your therapist doesn’t start the session in a timely manner. They might be having technical difficulties. I am always clear with clients that I will send a message with an alternate platform to use if it looks like there is a technical problem. And don’t forget to BREATHE! If you are holding your breath you will feel more nervous!
During the first session you will be welcomed and might get an intro to your therapist’s practice and be told some of the mandatory information we need to share with clients, like the limits of confidentiality, informed consent, verifying your location and information on late or missed appointments. You won’t need to take notes. Most of the information will be in your consent forms.
The beginning of this first session won’t be like other sessions because therapists usually are doing much of the talking to make sure they have shared all the information you need and they will answer questions, but you will quickly find that you are the star of the show! Your therapist will be interested in you and might ask you some questions about your history growing up and the things you want to work on now.
They want to get to know you so that they are better able to help. Some therapists have standard questions, other therapists are more flexible and might let you talk about yourself. So share what you feel comfortable sharing. It really is ok not to share everything during this first session and to take it as slow as you need to. There really are no expectations. Whatever you don’t get to during that first session you can talk about another time.
I often get asked how long sessions are and that really depends. Sessions usually can be about 45-60 minutes. This is a good question to ask your therapist beforehand so you can schedule your time accordingly. And as your session comes to a close with your therapist you might have some lingering questions. Ask them! It might be helpful to find out if your therapist has any suggestions for things you might want to do in between sessions. I don’t like to call it homework, I usually call it “home-play” and sometimes suggest clients try new things they learned in therapy at home, like breathing or visualization techniques.
The relationship you have with your therapist is really important. If there is anything that feels uncomfortable, bring it up. Believe it or not this is actually an important part of your therapy because you are finding a way to work together. So learning how to communicate your needs, advocate for yourself and also be flexible can help with your growth. You will not offend your therapist if you tell them they did or said something you didn’t like.
Some of the most amazing sessions I have had with clients have been when there was a disconnect and we worked together on repairing it. I have been so grateful to those clients who shared with me what was bothering them so I could be a better therapist for them.
I will even ask clients, “hey, how am I doing?” or “how are we doing?” These questions usually make my clients chuckle, but feedback is important. It is your therapy and if things aren’t going so well you have every right to say so and if you really think it is not a good match to even change therapists. Your therapist wants what is best for you and you don’t have to worry about hurting your therapist’s feelings if you decide to try a different therapist.
It is a brave thing starting therapy and Christopher Robin said “it isn’t brave if it isn’t scary.” Give yourself some grace. You are just getting started and you can even let your therapist know that this is awkward or uncomfortable for you. They will appreciate your sharing this and they will help you take things slow so that you can have the best experience possible. Be honest with them. Don’t forget to just enjoy being with someone who is there just for you. You may cry in therapy, but you also may laugh. You are with another human being who appreciates your humanness and that alone is worth the price of admission.
